
Planning Your Goodbye: Tips for Thoughtful Funeral, Burial, and Celebration of Life Decisions
“Just throw me in a dumpster out back.”
You ever know anyone who has said this when the topic of funerals comes up? Yeah, me too. It’s funny in a dark, dismissive way, but far from helpful. It’s like, “Yeah, okay Uncle Dave, but what do you really want to have happen?” But Uncle Dave probably hasn’t taken a lot of time to think about it. And maybe when he has, it’s been uncomfortable and a little scary.
That’s why The Good Mourning Society is here. So what things do you need to consider when planning your last goodbye?
Your Goodbye, Your Way
Consider yourself lucky if you’ve never been to a funeral that was the exact opposite of what that person would’ve wanted. It’s deeply unsettling and infuriating.
When you take control of planning your funeral or celebration of life, you can make sure your personality, beliefs and values are fully reflected. It’s your opportunity to create a meaningful and personal goodbye to those who attend.
As an added bonus, it takes the pressure off your loved ones to have to make rushed, emotional choices while in the midst of grief. The clarity and peace you give them by pre-planning is immeasurable.
Funeral vs. Celebration of Life: What’s the Difference?
Traditional funerals are typically more formal and structured, and often include religious elements like a viewing followed by a burial. They can be comforting for those who find meaning in tradition, or perhaps don’t feel strongly for any other options.
Celebrations of life tend to be more personalized and can be casual, creative, or reflective of the individual’s unique life. They’re focused on remembering the joy and impact of a person’s life.
You don’t have to choose one over the other. Some people opt for both - a formal service followed by a celebration, sometimes a few weeks or months later. It’s all about what resonates with you.
Reflect Your Personality in the Ceremony
Try to incorporate your passions and hobbies. Whether it’s playing your favorite music, showcasing your artwork, or incorporating your love for nature, think about how your personality can shine through.
If a church or funeral home doesn’t fit your vision, consider a more personal location like a park, beach, or even your backyard.
Think about the atmosphere you want. Do you want it to be joyful and lighthearted, spiritual, or a blend of both? Share your vision with your loved ones and you might be surprised by some of the ideas they have.
Personalize the Rituals
Think beyond the standard order of service to customize how the ceremony unfolds. You might want storytelling from friends and family, a slideshow of memories, or symbolic rituals like candle-lighting or planting a tree. Maybe you’d like to record an audio or visual message to play.
If you’re inclined, collect readings or music that hold meaning. Whether it’s poetry, religious texts, or songs that reflect your life’s journey, choosing these elements adds a personal touch and makes it feel like a much more authentic service.
Allow guests to take an active role in the ceremony, whether by sharing memories, reading aloud, or even bringing objects that remind them of you.
Burial, Cremation, or Something Different?
Whether you prefer a traditional burial, cremation, or alternative options, it’s important to choose what feels most aligned with your values.
When it comes to green or eco-friendly ideas, the options are constantly growing. If sustainability is important to you, consider eco-friendly choices like biodegradable caskets, natural burials, or composting. Not all these options are available everywhere, so if it’s important to you, do your research now.
If you want to leave a lasting mark, there are creative options like having your ashes turned into a reef, sent into space, or made into a memorial diamond.
Plan for the Finances
Funeral costs can vary widely, and it’s important to research and budget for the expenses involved, from the service to the burial or cremation. Knowing your options ahead of time helps prevent unexpected financial stress for your loved ones.
You may even consider prepayment or funeral insurance. Many people opt for pre-paying for their funeral or purchasing insurance to cover the costs, since this guarantees your family won’t be burdened with paying out-of-pocket.
Just be sure to get a clear, itemized estimate from your funeral provider, and don’t be afraid to shop around. In some parts of the world, the death care industry is highly commercialized while others are legally bound to certain standards.
Think About the Guests’ Experience
Whether it’s a formal funeral or an informal celebration, consider the guests’ experience. Provide comfortable seating, food and drink, and opportunities for them to reflect or participate. Maybe you have a favorite cocktail or snack you’d love to share one last time.
Consider leaving behind small, meaningful keepsakes, like personalized notes, a small piece of art, or a favorite recipe. These mementos can serve as reminders of your life and love.
And encourage people to share stories and memories. Giving guests the opportunity to contribute and share their relationship with you, whether through an open mic, a memory book, or an online tribute page.
Document Your Decisions Clearly
Dream big and dream loud, after all, it’s your life and your death. But once you’ve landed on a clear vision of what you’d like, it’s critical you write it all down. By documenting your preferences clearly - funeral details, burial or cremation wishes, and any special instructions for your celebration of life - you’re ensuring it becomes a reality. Including your funeral and celebration decisions in your broader legacy plan will make sure your final wishes are known and respected.
But it’s not enough to just write it down. Make sure to discuss your decisions with family or a trusted friend so they’re aware of your plans and can carry them out when the time comes.
Take Care of the Practicalities
Share the planning by deciding who you want to take charge of planning your funeral or celebration. This could be a family member, friend, or even a professional funeral planner.
If you have specific wishes, such as organ donation or a preference for a religious or non-religious ceremony, make sure these are legally documented in an advance directive or your will.
As your life and preferences change, don’t forget to revisit your plans and update them as necessary. What feels right today might change in a few years, so check in on your goodbye plan from time to time.
Celebrate Life While You’re Living
The core of The Good Mourning Society is the belief that planning for a good death leads to living a better life.
Planning your goodbye is more than just a practical task—it’s a way to shape how you’ll be remembered and ease the burden on your loved ones. By taking the time to thoughtfully design your funeral, burial, or celebration of life, you ensure that your final chapter is a meaningful, personal reflection of your journey.
By making thoughtful, personal decisions, you ensure your final farewell will be a true celebration of your life, full of love, laughter, and meaning. Once you have those plans in place, there’s only one thing left to do.
Live!