Preparing for their end is just the beginning

Millions of us, mostly Gen Xers and Millennials, are in the midst of a slow moving crisis that no one is talking about. As our parents start to reach the last stage of their lives, they do so in a world that looks very different from what they expected. Social services aren’t there to help like they thought, rocky economies have squeezed retirement funds, and costs are through the roof. And who will they turn to for help?

Us.

Are you prepared for what that means? Does the worry keep you up some nights? You aren't the only one, I'm afraid.

Statistics about the aging population

The United States and United Kingdom are just two places facing an unprecedented population situation. Just as Millennials are reaching the prime of life, the generations above teeter on the edge. Living longer, with more health problems, during a serious cost of living crisis.

Luckily, aging and death are inevitable moments in life we can prepare for - if we're willing to put the effort in. That's why we're here!

In 2022 in the US, there were 57.8 million adults age 65+. By 2030, all Baby Boomers will be over 65.

The median income of older adults was $29,740.

In 2021-2022, 37.1 million family caregivers provided unpaid care to an older adult age 65+.

Nearly 1 in 5 Latina and Black women 65+ live in poverty, double the rate for white women and triple that for white men.

In the UK by 2035, 1 in 4 people will be over the age of 65.

The number of pensioners unable to afford basic necessities grew by 300,000 between 2023-2024.

What type of parent do you have?

Before we can start talking about how to put things in order and make sure we have the important conversations, it's good to have an idea of what the situation looks like. Of course every person is unique, but most fall into one of the following types.

"It's all taken care of."

The aging adults in your life are ready - practically, financially, and hopefully emotionally. You aren't off the hook though...

"We've already done this."

There's a will, somewhere. It's 30 years old and tucked in a book, upstairs, behind the broken bookshelf. Uh-oh.

"I really don't want to talk."

Cannot, will not, never, ever talk about anything that vaguely suggests people age, get sick, or die. Denial is a river, as they say.

"..."

You no longer speak, or if you do, it's very rarely and never about anything important. Yet you are still their next of kin. Yay.

Dive deeper into each type, and tips on getting the conversation started

The bad news first

I don’t have a simple solution to sell you that’s going to solve all your problems and make this better in a day. It's going to require your intuition, patience, personal knowledge and judgment.

In fact, we're in this mess largely because we (as a culture) always look for the easiest, least painful way out.

I'm sorry.

The good news!

What we do have here is community, knowledge, experience, and support. Lean on us, use these tools, do the best you can. You aren’t alone in this. There are answers, there are solutions, but they only really help if you put the work in.

You are capable of tackling difficult things, and I promise, there's a bit of magic on the other side once you do.

The Memento conversation card decks

A lot of conversations just don't happen organically, even if they're incredibly important and weighing on your mind. These decks were specially designed to get the ball rolling, build connection, and to facilitate difficult topics. Sometimes we need a gentle nudge to get talking, and a couple cards in your hand is all it takes.

It’s a simple idea, and incredibly powerful in practice.

These are the only decks on the market that encompass the full breadth of past, present, and future human experience. Use however you feel fit, or follow our suggested guides.

Memento

199 cards combining all the elements of Vivere, Legatum, and Mori - plus more!

Converstation cards

Beautiful, durable, and infinitely engaging. These cards are proudly made in the UK with sustainable practices.

Memento Legatum

"Remember your legacy" What lessons have you learned? What is it that you'll leave behind?

Memento Mori

"Remember that you will die" From the practical to the metaphysical, these questions cover it all.

Memento Vivere

"Remember to live" Who are you right now? What's important, what's not, what are you striving for?

explore the decks in detail

Who am I? Why am I here?

I'm Erin! I am a trained and experienced death care worker. I am a dual UK and US citizen, with knowledge of both systems. I have trained in helping others complete advance care plans, create legacy projects, have difficult conversations with their children, and how to help someone living with grief. I am compassionate, empathetic, and creative.

Most importantly, I’ve been there. I still am, actually.

I’ve had to navigate the practical and emotional storm that comes with aging parents who did next to nothing to prepare for their illnesses and deaths. Like the world’s shittiest scavenger hunt, I had to search and pay and beg and blindly hope my way through situations that had simple solutions - if only my parents had planned ahead.

Talking with Mortals podcast

I get it, these topics are pretty emotionally heavy and can be intimidating to just dive into. I live in this world most days and I even need to take a break now and again. It takes real strength and courage to look this in the eye, just being here is a big step. Give yourself credit for that!

Like anything, the more time you spend with these topics the easier it gets. “Talking with Mortals” has been designed to showcase real conversations about big topics. Some episodes are authentic moments of people using the conversation cards to connect and share. Other episodes are open spaces to talk freely, much like what you’d find at a local Death Cafe. And of course there are some episodes where I share my thoughts and perspectives as a death care worker.

Building a powerful, sustainable community

It takes a great deal of time and energy for me to do this work in a way that's genuinely helpful. So if you have found the information I offer to be of use - and you can afford to do so - please consider financially supporting the Society so this work can continue. I'm not in this for fame and riches, and I've seen far too many related organizations rise and fall because they feel awkward asking for support.

There are multiple tiers available, stay for a month, stay for a year, whatever works for you. There’s even a way for you to sponsor membership for another if you’d like. If that's not possible, there are other ways to help by sharing with your network, engaging with social media, etc.

Here’s what makes this a genuine community. I don’t expect (or want) you to need this place in an urgent, acute way for very long. I want you to learn, to get your ducks in a row, and be able to walk away empowered to face these situations. But sticking around to help others who are only where you are right now - that’s community.