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    The 5 parent types 

    The Death Positive

    Congrats on winning the parent lottery! They have got their shit in order and they’re likely able to talk openly about it with you. Your parent is financially, emotionally, and practically on top of their responsibilities for the end of their life.

    They have made it easy for you from a practical sense, but what about emotional connection? Legacy work?  

    Death Positive
    Core motivation

    Desire to maintain control and dignity in their final years

    Have they left room for emotion, though?

    Procrastinator
    Core motivation

    Knows this is all *technically* important, but...

    There's always later.

    The Procrastinator

    They're a bit all over the place. There’s been an attempt at planning, maybe a will they had to create 25 years ago when they got a mortgage on the house. Your parents don’t completely shut down when the topic comes up, but don’t really entertain it for long either. They feel like they’ve done what needs to be done, there are systems in place to take care of anything else. So why worry?

    And whether or not it’s said out loud, there’s a bit of an expectation that you’ll step in to take care of them should they need it.

    Anxious Flipflopper
    Core motivation

    Avoid death anxiety but still be prepared. Just...

    Not right now!

    Anxious Flip-flopper

    There’s a lot going on in their heads. On one hand, yes, it would feel great to have all this figured out and in the open. But on the other… I mean. You do realize what we’re talking about, right?? Their heart is in the right place, but lack the skills and experience to emotionally regulate when rubber meets road. 

    Your parents may still feel the need to protect or shield you from these topics, despite the fact you’re now older than they were when they had you. It’s sweet, but unhelpful.

    The Defensive Denial

    Your folks absolutely will never talk about aging, death, dying, their wishes, nothing. In fact, anything that remotely reminds them of their mortality is a no-go zone. 

    They’re in denial, but you can see a slow moving catastrophe coming. You have no idea where any of their important paperwork is or if it even exists. There have never been any conversations around medical wishes or funeral preferences, so if it came down to you to decide, you’d have no idea if you were doing the “right” thing for them.

    Defensive Denier
    Core motivation

    Avoid, deny, and otherwise forget all about mortality.

    Death happens to other people.

    Complicated
    Core motivation

    Managing anxiety through preparation, organization, and lists.

    So many lists.

    It's Complicated

    You’re estranged or have gone very low contact. If you are in touch more regularly, your relationship is complicated, toxic, possibly abusive. It’s the sort of situation where you can’t imagine going to have a pleasant Sunday lunch, let alone be able to sit and talk through some serious, emotionally charged topics. 

    You have no idea what plans they’ve made, who has been named as a responsible party, but from other information in life you can kinda see that if the shit hits the fan, that fan is probably pointed at you.

    So why think about it this way? 

    Shouldn't I just ask them?

    Look. We're not going for a clinical diagnosis, right? And if your people are anything like my parents, they aren't the most self-aware people in the world, so if you were to ask them to take the Communication Quiz, you might end up laughing at their results. I doubt, given you're here, that their approach to communication, end of life, emotional vulnerability, etc is going to be far off the mark. 

    I'm here for you. Not them. My sole focus is on helping you. Your perception and experience of how they act and approach life are invaluable resources if you want to engage in conversations and planning around end of life. 

    I'm not selling you a solve-it-fast solution. I'm simply giving you guidelines and frameworks based off my personal, professional, and lived experiences. If none of these feel right, that's okay. I do find that nearly everyone feels like their folks fall in somewhere on this spectrum. It's a good launching off point, not a condition that needs to be defined. 

    The resources and information I share here will reference the types from time to time, but you're welcome to just gloss over it and take what helps, leave what doesn't. 

    Good to know, what are the next steps?

    Well, that's pretty much up to you! If you're in a situation right now where the aging people in your life might soon need your help - or you're already there - you can dive right into the resources we keep on Patreon. 

    Or you could explore the other communication types, including a more in-depth look at the 5 Aging Adult types.

    Maybe you're ready to put it all to practice and dive into the conversation card decks. 

    Explore other communication types

    Does the Strategic Planner not feel quite right? Want to understand the other people in your life? Explore the other styles here.

    Learn more

    Learn about the Memento conversation cards

    Put your hard-earned knowledge to work with the Memento conversation starter decks. Explore the different types here.

    Convo cards

    Explore more resources on Patreon

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