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    The Family Manager

    Are leaders born or made? Either way, here they are. 

    At their best, they're weaving a hundred threads together without breaking a sweat. They take control and do what's best.

    However. Taking on so much responsibility can lead to burnout, not to mention piss off a lot of people along the way.

    Family Manager
    Core motivation

    Managing fear and anxiety through careful planning and control

    Someone's gotta do it

    How The Family Manager shows up

    Does this sound like you?

    The Family Manager plays chess... 5D chess... with one hand. They will step in and take charge when no one else will, getting everyone together and on the same page. 

    Remember:

    • Competent adults have autonomy to make their own decisions
    • Don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm

    "Here's what we're gonna do..."

    "When you're done with that, I'm going to need you to..."

    "I know you looked into this, but if you just check this, you'll see I..."

    • Feeling like siblings aren't stepping up or doing enough. 
    • Parents who won't cooperate or waver on plans that are obviously well thought out. 
    • Feeling like they're the only ones who care.

    The Family Manager will work tirelessly, needing little praise. Master delegators, they know they can't do it all and expect teamwork to make the dream work. 

    They may bulldoze other's autonomy and create needless friction.

    They also have a tendency to take on too much responsibility and can spiral if something is missed or not done to their standards.

    How The Family Manager works with Aging Adult types

    Understanding yourself in relation to the aging adults in your life can give you the best starting point for meaningful conversations.

    Redundant?

    The Death Positive

    Death Positive-1

    This can be a powerful partnership where The Family Manager's organizational skills meet their decision-making readiness, but potential for control conflicts if they try to manage someone who's already capable.

    Can work well together

    The Procrastinator

    Procrastinator-1

    The Family Manager's style can either provide the structure they need to overcome procrastination or create pressure that increases their avoidance. Persistence gets things done, and parent benefits from external accountability.

    If the timing is right

    Anxious Flip-flopper

    Anxious Flipflopper-1

    Family Manager's take-charge approach can either provide calming leadership during their anxious periods or overwhelm them further when they're already struggling.

    Does not mix well

    The Defensive Denial

    Defensive Denier-1

    This management approach often triggers their resistance because it feels controlling and threatens their autonomy, potentially strengthening their defensive responses.

    It really depends

    It's Complicated

    Complicated-1

    This role can either help navigate complex family dynamics or escalate them, depending on their status in the family hierarchy and existing relationships. Best case scenario, they can coordinate complex family logistics, and parent may yield special authority.

    Explore, learn, and expand your mind

    It's not psychedelics, just great media

    Contemplating the meaning of life, death, and the human experience has been around as long as humans have. These resources have been specifically chosen to access The Family Manager's blindspots.

    "The Dance of Intimacy" by Harriet Lerner 

    "The Places That Scare You" by Pema Chödrön 

    "Final Gifts" by Maggie Callanan 

    "Leadership in Turbulent Times" by Doris Kearns Goodwin

    (all hyperlinks above)

    "Succession" (what happens when control becomes toxic)

    "The Family Stone" (making room for different personalities)

    "Nebraska" (aging parents and family dynamics)

    "The Crown" (duty vs. family relationships)

    (all hyperlinks above)

    "Leading vs Managing: What's the difference?" - Harvard Law School

    "Advanced Illness: Holding On and Letting Go" - Family Caregiver Alliance

    (all hyperlinks above)

    "Coaching for Leaders" (influence without authority)

    "The Tim Ferriss Show" episodes on delegation and letting go

    "Buddhist Geeks" episodes on death and impermanence

    (all hyperlinks above)

    Good to know, what are the next steps?

    Well, that's pretty much up to you! If you're in a situation right now where the aging people in your life might soon need your help - or you're already there - you can dive right into the resources we keep on Patreon. 

    Or you could explore the other communication types, including a more in-depth look at the 5 Aging Adult types.

    Maybe you're ready to put it all to practice and dive into the conversation card decks.

    Explore other communication types

    Does The Family Manager not feel quite right? Want to understand the other people in your life? Explore the other styles here.

    learn more

    Learn about the Memento conversation cards

    Put your hard-earned knowledge to work with the Memento conversation starter decks. Explore the different types here.

    Convo cards

    Explore more resources on Patreon

    Ready to join The Good Mourning Society? Then visit us on Patreon and join for free. Resources, polls, chats, and more are constantly updated. Welcome!!

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