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    The Strategic Planner

    They are often the "responsible" one in the family, not just because they enjoy it... but because that's how they feel most in control. They pride themselves on getting shit done and thinking of the details others miss. 

    Life is unpredictable enough, why wait for things to happen before you get prepared?

    However. They can bulldoze over emotions in pursuit of the most logical solution.

    Strategic Planner
    Core motivation

    Managing anxiety through preparation, organization, and lists.

    So many lists.

    How the Strategic Planner shows up

    Does this sound like you?

    When they build a Lego set, they read through the booklet, spread out every piece bag by bag, and know exactly how to wrap things up if they can't finish in one session. They have such a knack for breaking huge situations into bite sized pieces!

    They're the type of person to research every care home in a 50 mile radius, then create a spreadsheet with color-coded Pros and Cons. They feel most comfortable with structured, pre-organized discussions that have clear goals and outcomes.

    Remember:

    • People aren't Lego sets
    • Even the most complex situations take time to unravel
    • They don't know everything, even if they think they do

    "I've put together a pack of information for you to look at."

    "Let me show you everything I've researched. There are some good options, some not so good options..."

    "We really need to set aside some time to talk about this properly."

    • Emotional tangents that derail the practical conversation. 
    • Parents who won't engage with the "data" they've carefully prepared. 
    • Siblings who show up unprepared to family meetings, or show up and completely disregard all the hard work that they've done.
    • When meetings don’t conclude with solutions or tangible development.

    They're ruled by "proactive" not "reactive" energy. Because of this, they can accomplish a lot in a short amount of time while also picking up on potential issues before they ever become problems. 

    They want to know exactly what is happening, when it’s happening, and what the backup plan is if it all goes wrong.

    In all the spreadsheets, lists, and data there's never room for emotional processing. 

    Their powerhouse analytical nature can make more emotionally-led people feel ignored and minimized.

    How they work with Aging Adult types

    Understanding yourself in relation to the aging adults in your life can give you the best starting point for meaningful conversations.

    Ideal pairing

    The Death Positive

    Death Positive-1

    This is a match made in heaven. Both appreciate thorough preparation and logical progression. The Strategic Planner brings research, the parent brings life experience and decision-making readiness.

    Patience required

    The Procrastinator

    Procrastinator-1

    Frustrating dance of preparation meeting avoidance. Strategic Planner does homework, parent finds reasons to delay. They may need to project manage their parent to get anything concrete done.

    50/50 chance

    Anxious Flip-flopper

    Anxious Flipflopper-1

    The Strategic Planner's information can either calm their anxiety or trigger complete overwhelm. Very dependent on pacing and emotional state. Too much information triggers overwhelm; your need for decisions clashes with their anxiety cycles.

    Okay with careful planning

    The Defensive Denial

    Defensive Denier-1

    Your research feels like evidence of their mortality, triggering stronger defenses. The more prepared you are, the more they resist.
    Awareness and pacing is key to this combo, knowing when to push, when to pull back, it can start to feel like a dance. 
    You're the expert here

    It's Complicated

    Complicated-1

    Whether The Strategic Planner's research helps depends entirely on their relationship status with this parent and family dynamics.
    End of life topics can be used to reopen old quarrels and issues, pitting siblings against each other, dividing family members and more.  Strategic Planner's should use their planning abilities to understand the limits of what may be possible with this parent type. 

    Explore, learn, and expand your mind

    It's not psychedelics, just great media

    Contemplating the meaning of life, death, and the human experience has been around as long as humans have. These resources have been specifically chosen to access The Strategic Planner's blindspots.

    "The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying" by Sogyal Rinpoche 

    "Being Mortal" by Atul Gawande 

    "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brené Brown 

    "Nonviolent Communication" by Marshall Rosenberg 

    (all hyperlinks above)

    "This Is Us" (family emotional complexity over time)

    "The Farewell" (cultural and emotional layers in family decisions)

    "Departures" (Japanese film about dignity in death care)

    "The Good Place" (philosophy of death and meaning)

    (all hyperlinks above)

    "How Doctors Die" - Zócalo Public Square

    "The Difference Between Empathy and Sympathy" - Brené Brown

    "Why Facts Don't Change Our Minds" - The New Yorker

    (all hyperlinks above)

     

    "Death in the Afternoon" (practical death planning with heart)

    "Secular Buddhism" episodes on impermanence

    "On Being" with Krista Tippett (deep conversations beyond logistics)

    "Dear Sugars" (emotional wisdom for life decisions)

    (all hyperlinks above)

    Good to know, what are the next steps?

    Well, that's pretty much up to you! If you're in a situation right now where the aging people in your life might soon need your help - or you're already there - you can dive right into the resources we keep on Patreon. 

    Or you could explore the other communication types, including a more in-depth look at the 5 Aging Adult types.

    Maybe you're ready to put it all to practice and dive into the conversation card decks. 

    Explore other communication types

    Does the Strategic Planner not feel quite right? Want to understand the other people in your life? Explore the other styles here.

    Learn more

    Learn about the Memento conversation cards

    Put your hard-earned knowledge to work with the Memento conversation starter decks. Explore the different types here.

    Convo cards

    Explore more resources on Patreon

    Ready to join The Good Mourning Society? Then visit us on Patreon and join for free. Resources, polls, chats, and more are constantly updated. Welcome!!

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